One Deep Breath At a Time

It has been several months since my last post. Once or twice I sat down to write and I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t organize anything or get it out.

My life has changed so drastically since I last wrote; The most important change being that I lost two of the most important people in my life at the same time. One was my closest friend and confidante who passed away in her sleep from an unknown cause, the other was the love of my life.

I have battled a myriad of emotions on a daily basis and I continue to struggle with finding peace and understanding in it all. Today I went to church for the first time in months. My prayer has been and will continue to be that I keep my focus 100% on Christ and that by truly searching His words and His guidance that peace will come to me. My heart has been broken for so long now sometimes I wonder if it can ever be made whole again…

So I hold on to Christ’s promises and I ask that He hold me in His arms and lift me up. And I try to find joy in the memories and the small things I experience each day. I look for the positive and try to push away negativity and hurtful thoughts, while also praying for everyone I come into contact with, that I can be positive towards them in some way and that whatever influence I have is uplifting and Christ-centered.

And meanwhile I just take each day, each hour, each minute…one deep breath at a time.

Finding Something to Write About

I made a writing goal of 500 words a day a couple of days ago. It seemed rather easy at the time, but today not so much.

I’ve been reading books, reading blogs, playing games, and thinking about a ton of random things that I’m sure normal people don’t think about, but when I go to a blank page to write everything just seems to empty out of my mind. The white nothingness glares at me, almost daring me to put something on it, knowing that if I do it won’t be anything I like. *sigh*

Today has been a lazy day. Not bad, just lazy. I’ve had zero motivation to do anything constructive. I did force myself to job search online and I forced myself to put my games on hold for a couple of hours to begin an application process for a job. But in the end I yawn, look at the time for the zillionth time, and wish it were late enough for me to go to bed. All I really want is to sleep and wake up to a new day refreshed and ready to get out of the house. Of course at today’s rate I just want to feel refreshed and motivated enough to leave the bedroom…

Yawn. It’s still not late enough to go to bed, I know because I just checked the time again. My word count is at 228…

I suppose today will become one the “almost made my goal” days. My first thus far since making a writing goal (all of 2 days ago). It is becoming increasingly painful to find something to say now because my blurb of a thought on not having a thought to write about is pretty much done. I suppose I shall make tomorrow’s goal 750 words to even it out. Eh, maybe not.

334 words is my final count, not because anyone reading this truly cares, but because my OCD won’t let me NOT take a final count now that I’ve been talking about it…